Processing

It's probably best if you don't read this blog post today, since I am in the midst of trying to process some big things, and well, as this is my best processing tool at the moment, I don't promise this post to be of any worth to anyone but myself.
Perhaps instead of reading, you could go here, and visit something of more entertaining value.
Best of luck, check back tomorrow.
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I hate to whine, and I hate to read other people who whine publicly, but damn. Today has been hard. Today sucks the way a sucker punch to the gut sucks. It sucks the way that being caught off guard and unaware sucks. And those tears that well up behind your eyes and try very hard to come out while the whole world is watching, I pretty much hate them too. Even though I had a feeling things were changing, I had no idea it was so big and so vast. When I was talking with God the other day and said that everything was changing and that is OK, I didn't really have a handle on how inclusive the word "everything" was going to be. Hello, I would like to re-introduce myself to you, I am apparently a person who hates change.
So, hello!
We are moving soon, back with my parents for a year, to eliminate all our debt and sock away some savings. It's exciting in that we have this great opportunity to save lots of money and get closer to our future goals. But it's hard in that we have made the place we are now our home. It's never easy to leave your home. As I pack boxes I find myself looking at the walls remembering all the living we have done in them. Our neighbors are amazing, and we have grown to love them, and the overall feeling of just how much we have let our roots sink in here is slightly overwhelming.
And then the job stuff. I'm still trying to figure out all of that, but it is pretty much for sure that I won't be doing what I am doing now anymore. I'll probably pack up my desk tomorrow. And that's a hard truth to swallow.
There are other changes too, and I can't help but remember that not that long ago I had asked God, (in frustration of course) to let me know where it was that I was supposed to go. I felt unmotivated and stagnant and I asked Him if this was where He intended me to be in my life and if not, if He could make it clear to me where it is I am supposed to go, and who I am supposed to be. For me, it's easy to forget how real and involved God is in my life. Sometimes I get so focused on God being in other people's lives and changes, that when I finally decide to relinquish control, I am shell shocked with the changes God almost instantly makes.
I guess it is all just a part of the process of God turning my life from a scarf into a sweater. Only I had decided that I liked the scarf just fine.
I used to have this dream of going to Maine or Alaska (seriously, don't ask why) for a summer and renting a place, just to write. And maybe eat lobster and crab. Only I never went because I didn't want to leave my nice secure fun job.
Should I book some tickets?